A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre by Josh Miller

By Josh Miller

Americans were taught that their kingdom is civilized and humane. yet, too frequently, U.S. activities were uncivilized and inhumane.
—Howard Zinn

Shedding gentle on 500 years of suppression, this stunning exposé unearths the pivotal position in American historical past performed by way of its such a lot invisible minority—zombies.

From colonization and revolution to international Wars and international hegemony, A Zombie’s background of the United States tells the strong and relocating tales of this country’s living-dead underclass, including:

•The zombie bloodbath of eu colonists at Plymouth Rock

•The ugly killing of a zombinated Meriwether Lewis by way of his fellow explorer William Clark

•The doomed protection of the Alamo opposed to hordes of the attacking undead

•The heroic, platoon-saving cost right into a hail of German hearth by means of an undead Lt. Audie Murphy

•The top-secret NASA missions that launched(and usually misplaced) zombies into space

•The anti-terrorist application to prevent the weaponization of the zombie virus

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Additional info for A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre at Plymouth Rock to the CIA's Secret War on the Undead

Sample text

De Bourbon had them seized by her attendants. The scene quickly turned into a minor disaster, with Adams, Franklin, Jay, along with Franklin’s grandson, William Temple Franklin, and another American, Matthew Ridley, confined to Franklin’s room (Franklin was a guest of the hotel). None of the Americans were surprised when, several 55 A Zombie’s History of tHe United stAtes minutes later, screams and the sounds of fighting could be heard from the hallway. Adams would recount: We were of disagreement amongst us as to our best course.

Unable to properly defend themselves, nor even see who was friend or foe, Cadwalader and his men were forced to retreat from their position. Things were not going well for Gen. Ewing either. Foul weather and ice jams on the river prevented him from even attempting a crossing below Trenton, but at least there were no zombies. Zombies soon found their way to Knox and his men. The huge chunks of ice floating in the river made it all the easier for the zombies to reach the men in the boats. Many of the men were unable to swim, which made the icy water just as treacherous as the encroaching undead.

The American Revolution had been won. Now it was time to talk resolution. Though, ironically enough, the peace talks were ultimately to prove a bloody affair. 53 A Zombie’s History of tHe United stAtes The treaty negotiations convened in Paris in fall 1782, with American interests represented by Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and John Jay, Federalist Papers co-author and soon to be first chief justice of the United States. Franklin and Adams were personally at odds following a letter Franklin had written to the Continental Congress in 1780 impugning Adams’s capabilities.

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